Who Writes the Vows? Legal vs Personal Vows

A Guide from a Limestone Coast Marriage Celebrant

Newly engaged and wondering who writes your wedding vows? As a Limestone Coast marriage celebrant, I felt the need to explain the legal vows required in Australia and the personal vows that make your ceremony yours.

Who Actually Writes the Vows?

You've just got engaged - Congrats! Somewhere between choosing your venue and working out who sits where at the reception, a question sneaks up on you: who actually writes the vows?

Is it you? The celebrant? Do you copy something off Pinterest at eleven o'clock the night before and hope for the best? (note - for the love of God, please don't do that...!)

Here's the short answer: in Australia, your wedding involves two different sets of vows - and only one of them is yours to write.

Let me explain, because the difference matters more than most couples realise.

The Legal Vows - Fixed by the Marriage Act 1961

Every legally married couple in Australia, whether they marry on the sandy beaches near Robe, a garden in Mount Gambier, or a Vineyard near Penola, must say a specific set of words prescribed by the Marriage Act 1961. This is often called the "legal vow" or "monitum exchange," and it's what makes your marriage valid in the eyes of Australian law.

The wording is fixed. As the celebrant, I say the Monitum - a short statement reminding you both of the solemn and binding nature of what you're entering into. Then you, the couple, each say a version of:

"I call upon the people here present to witness that I (Name) take you (Name) to be my lawful wedded (wife/husband/spouse)".

There's no creative licence here. These words can't be swapped out, shortened, or replaced with something more "you" - because leaving them out, or changing them substantially, puts the legal validity of your marriage at risk. As your celebrant, part of my job on Marriage Act Australia's requirements is making sure this part is handled properly, so you don't have to think about it twice.

The Personal Vows - Written by You

Here's where it gets interesting, and where the real writing happens.

You're free to add personal vows - the actual promises, stories, and words that reflect your relationship. This part isn't required by law at all. It's optional, and it's entirely yours.

Some couples write these together. Some write them separately and keep them secret until the ceremony, so there's a genuine moment of surprise standing at the ceremony. Some ask me to help shape them into something that actually sounds like them when read aloud, rather than something borrowed from a wedding website. All three approaches are valid - there's no single "correct" way to do it.

MY TIP - If you're going to write your own vows and keep them as a surprise for your partner, make sure to both agree on a word-count...! You don't want an awkward moment where one person writes a couple of lines and the other writes three pages! Bonus tip - On average, people speak at a rate of about 150-words per minute. It's best to also take that into consideration when writing your vows.

So, this is the part of the ceremony where storytelling matters. Not generic lines about "best friends and soulmates," but the actual, specific, slightly embarrassing, completely true details of how you two ended up here - at your wedding, on the Limestone Coast, in front of the people who matter most, promising each other something real.

Writing your own vows is your moment to make a personal commitment to your partner.

So, Who Writes the Vows?

Both of you can write the personal vows. The law writes the legal ones. And a good celebrant makes sure both sides of that equation work together seamlessly, so your ceremony feels legally sound *and* genuinely, unmistakably yours.

If you're newly engaged and starting to think about your ceremony, this is usually one of the first things I talk through with couples getting married across the Limestone Coast. Getting the legal side sorted early means you can spend your energy on the part that actually tells your story.

Thinking about your ceremony and not sure where to start with your vows? Get in touch - I'd love to help you find the words.